I never cease to be surprised in my line of work. I don’t do anything fancy for a living, I sling drinks and act as an unpaid psychologist. One way or another, people end up telling me their problems or asking me for advice… As if I, a complete stranger, have all the answers. I see a lot too. A lot more than people think I do. As I said before, I’ve become pretty good at reading people and I can tell that the person your with isn’t the one who gave you the ring on your finger and read those mushy gushy vows on your wedding day. It’s pretty sad how little value marriage has these days. It’s almost as if people enjoy wasting their money on one day that they will regret for the rest of their lives. Women and men are equally as guilty when it comes to cheating on one another.
I had a customer once who used to come in with his wife every Sunday, John and Jane Doe (for reference). They seemed to be happy while carrying on a healthy marriage. Until one day a coworker came up to me at work and said someone was asking if I was working. He said he told them no in case it was a creep and someone I didn’t want to know I was working. So assuming they left I went about my business. About an hour later I walk over the the corner of the restaurant and who do I see making out with some rando? JANE. She must have wanted to know if I was there that night. I was shocked at first. All I wanted to do was run over there and confront her. But what if she and John had broken up and I didn’t know it? Either way, it would have been out of line. I told myself I would keep my mouth shut and wait to see for myself on Sunday.
Sunday rolls around and they come in holding hands. Happy as can be. I can feel the bile rising in my throat as they sit down. I have to tell myself over and over again throughout their visit that it is none of my business and to keep my mouth shut. This goes on for a few more months until they stop coming all together. About two weeks from this point John comes in alone on a rainy Sunday. He had shaved all of his hair off and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. I already know what’s happened, but I ask anyway, if he is okay. He then proceeds to tell me that he recently found out that Jane had been cheating on with another man for the last 6 months. Then the questions started rolling in.
What do I do?
How do I get her back?
Is it dumb if I still love her?
I tried to answer his questions as best I could, but how am I supposed to know what is right for him and whats wrong? Seeing a friend in that kind of pain is something that no one should ever have to go through. Especially when it comes to some you believe you can put all of your faith into for the rest of your life.
The moral of this blog is simple: get married for the rights reasons. And to someone you truly care about. Don’t do it for your parents or because it’s the easiest thing to do at the moment. Don’t do it if you feel pressured or unsure. I mean if that is the case, then why waste all that money on a wedding in the first place?
Marry someone because you love them and could never dream of a life without them.
“A successful marriage requires falling love many times, always with the same person.” Mignon McLaughlin
Marriage in the US is much different from marriage in other countries. And for more reasons than one. In some cultures people get married because they were picked out by their parents, or because power overshadows happiness. Marriage in some cultures is much more sacred than it is in the US. This blogger has some pretty interesting comments on the subject. Check it out!